


Always Remember Us This Way

by Deangirl93



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean's self-deprecation rears its ugly head, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, F/M, Sadness, Some Fluff, Swearing, Tears, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:54:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29010852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deangirl93/pseuds/Deangirl93
Summary: Maintaining the facade of a normal life while hunting was harder than Dean had imagined.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Always Remember Us This Way

**Author's Note:**

> This was angstier than I was intending it to be, but I hope you guys like it!

* * *

It was a relief to drive through the main streets of Lebanon, Kansas after a hunt. It meant that all was well. Seeing the locals and driving past all their regular spots always centred Dean. It made him feel like he was back on familiar ground and he could breathe easier.

Dean smiled as he parked the Impala outside his favorite diner. He had dropped Sam off at the bunker and gone into town, but not to bring back food, as he always did. He closed the car door and leaned against it, crossing his arms across his chest as he waited. His smile widened as he spotted the reason he was there coming out of the diner.

Y/N smiled at him as she opened the door, carrying two large, white paper bags, no doubt filled with food. Her satchel hung over one shoulder, her uniform stuffed into it, having changed into a long, black summer dress with a floral print and flip-flops. Her Y/H/C hair was tied in a high ponytail, swishing side-to-side as she hurried over to him. When she reached him, he pulled her in by her hips and kissed her, feverishly. Her hands were full, but she leaned her forearms against his, wanting to feel his skin against hers.

“Hey” she whispered against his lips. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too” he smirked as he leaned in and kissed her again. “Sorry it took so long to get back.”

“Yeah, well… those roaches aren’t gonna kill themselves” she laughed as she looked into his eyes.

Dean hated lying to her about pest control being his job that took him around the country, but it was the only way to keep her safe from the life he really lived.

She held up the bags and smiled. “Bacon cheeseburgers and fries, and two slices of pecan pie.”

“You really know the way to my heart, Y/N Y/L/N” he smirked.

“Sure do, Dean Campbell” she said, pecking his lips.

Yet another thing he felt guilty about: not being honest about his name. The whole town knew him and Sam as the Campbell brothers, the ones that kept to themselves but were incredibly friendly and willing to help out in any way they could, when they could. If only they knew just how much he and Sam had done for this town.

“We blowin’ this joint or what?” he asked, as he held onto her shoulders and led her over to the passenger side of the car.

“Yes, please” she replied, as she walked ahead of him. He opened the door for her and she smiled. “Such a gentleman” she said, winking at him as she sat in the passenger seat.

* * *

Dean drove them to a clearing just outside of town, a place they considered theirs and had been to many times before. He always brought her here because it was away from prying eyes and countless questions if they stayed in town. He parked near a tree, the sun setting in the distance, glistening over the grass as the last few rays reflected off the blades. They got out of the car and Dean took out a blanket from the trunk, setting it down on the grass. Y/N sat down and folded her legs underneath her, opening the first bag as he settled down next to her.

“Thanks” he said, grinning as she handed him the wrapped burger and box of fries.

She watched as he dug in and hummed around a mouthful, laughing a little as he closed his eyes.

“Don’t judge” he mumbled around the bite, his cheeks bulging with burger.

She laughed again, leaning in and kissing his big cheek. “Never.”

They laughed and talked about random things as they ate, their conversation never sparking suspicions from her, which Dean was thankful for. As they talked, they both couldn’t help but remember how they met. He recalled how it was her first shift at the diner and she was completely lost, tripping over her own feet and landing straight into his arms as he launched himself out of his seat so that she didn’t fall flat on her face. One look into her Y/E/C eyes and he was done for. Y/N remembered staring up into his green orbs and seeing his perfect lips, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of her days feeling them against hers.

By the end of that shift, he and Sam had eaten a free lunch and Dean had walked away with her number on a napkin.

That was nearly a year ago. In that time, Dean had been away so many times, sometimes spending weeks away because of hunt after hunt. She never questioned him, never doubted him and never accused him of anything. For all this, Dean knew he didn’t deserve her but was grateful all the same that he did have her.

However, he couldn’t help but feel that if things got more complicated with their Chuck situation, he would have to break it off with her. The last thing he needed was Chuck knowing about her. If he didn’t already.

After eating, Dean had laid back on the blanket, holding Y/N close to him as he gazed up at the stars. The sun had completely set over an hour ago, and they were basking in the light summer breeze that blew over them. Y/N’s head rested on his chest, her arm around his torso as she looked up at the sky.

“I wish we could stay like this forever” she said, softly. “I’d never let you leave” she let out a small laugh, not realizing how much that one sentence killed him.

He sighed heavily, the thoughts of what they were dealing with not leaving his mind.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asked, moving her head to look up at him. The crinkles around his eyes were deep as his eyebrows were pulled tight into a frown.

He looked down at her, his face instantly relaxing as he looked into her eyes. “I’m pretty sure they’ll cost more than that.”

“Hey” she said, cupping his jaw. “Whatever it is… it’ll work out.”

He shook his head, closing his eyes. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” she asked in return, stroking her thumb along his jaw.

“Just know what to say without knowing the full story” he replied, as he continued to look at her.

“It’s a gift” she joked but frowned when she noticed he didn’t let out even a small chuckle. He sat up, his back to her as he stared up at the sky. Y/N sat up and scooted closer to him, trying to look at him as he turned his face away.

“Dean” she whispered as she cupped his jaw and slowly turned his face to look at her.

“I guess I’m just trying to figure out how you can trust me so easily, without knowing about my life” he lamented, shaking his head. It had always baffled him how she took everything in and didn’t question it. Not once.

“Because I don’t need to know about it” she said, shrugging. “I know your heart. I know you’re a good person. I feel it. That’s all I need to know.”

He smiled softly, shaking his head as he marvelled at the fact that she could be so open and trusting. He wished he could be like that with people other than her and Sam.

Dean leaned in and kissed her, passionately, lifting his hands to cup her cheeks. He deepened the kiss, humming at the taste of pecan and cinnamon on her tongue, feeling her hands move into his hair and her fingernails lightly scrape his scalp. She moved her hands down to his shoulders, lightly pushing him back to lie down as she slowly straddled his hips, her legs on either side of him. She leaned down and pressed herself into him, the kiss growing more eager. His hands travelled up and down her back, moving down her thighs and slowly lifting up the skirt of her dress. He pressed his hands to her smooth skin, warm against his palms. Her hips began to roll into his, slowly. She hummed against his lips as she felt his jeans begin to tighten, against her core.

Y/N continued to roll her hips against Dean’s, feeling her arousal grow and wet her lacy panties. She continued to move her hips, feeling Dean’s cock strain against the fabric of his jeans. She sat up; her palms pressed into his chest as she smiled down at him. Her hands moved down and her left one began to rub his hard on through his pants. She watched him bite his lip and smiled, both hands working to open his jeans. Once she had taken his belt off and undid his jeans, she sat up slightly and pulled them down to below his knees, doing the same with his boxers, seeing his hard cock spring free. She grinned mischievously as she slid her covered pussy back and forth against his cock, the fabric of her panties against his skin.

“Shit” he gasped, feeling the sensation of the lace against his hard on.

Dean reached down and lifted up the skirt of her dress, moving it to the side to see her black panties. He hooked a finger into the fabric and pulled it aside, biting his bottom lip as he saw her. He moved his thumb against the folds, feeling her wetness. She let out a small whimper as his thumb brushed against her clit, slowly circling it.

“Shit, Dean” she gasped, as his thumb picked up the pace a little. She softly grasped his cock in her hand and held it against her, rubbing the head against her folds. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, Y/N” he muttered as he watched what she was doing.

He took a hold of his cock, a cue to her to sit up, holding the head to her entrance. Dean moved his hand away as she slowly sank down, his cock buried completely within her. She moaned loudly, knowing there was no one around for miles. She began to rock back and forth slowly, humming when he grabbed her hips, his thumbs stroking her hip bones.

“Fuck” she gasped, as she pressed her hands into his covered chest, smiling down at him. “I missed feeling you inside me.”

“Shit, sweetheart… I missed being inside you” he agreed, as he began to move her hips a little faster.

She threw her head and moaned wantonly, meeting him thrust for thrust as she picked up the pace. “Don’t… don’t leave me again.”

Dean closed his eyes, trying not to let her see how affected he was by what she just said. He sat up and pulled her close, pulling down the front of her dress and the cups of her bra. He leaned down and kissed her breasts, her hands coming to the back his head to pull him closer. She moaned as he kissed and sucked at her nipples, pebbled from his ministrations and the breeze blowing around them. She thrusted down harder and faster, the moment far too overpowering.

“Dean” she said, moving his head to look into his eyes. “I’m so close.”

“Me too, sweetheart. I want you to cum with me” he groaned as he looked at her.

She grinded her hips down against his, feeling the coil in her core begin to tighten. Dean cupped her face, making her look him directly in the eyes.

“Look at me” he said, staring at her. “Look at me when you cum on my cock.”

She gripped his wrists tightly, looking at him with hooded eyes as her mouth curved into an ‘o’ as the pressure grew.

Their thrusts became erratic, as she felt everything build up. Suddenly, as they looked into each other’s eyes, the coil in her belly snapped, causing a loud, drawn out moan to leave her lips as her juices flowed down his cock. Dean let out a strangled moan as he stared into her eyes, cumming deep inside of her, coating her walls with his release.

They pulled each other in, hugging tight as they breathed heavily. Dean leaned his forehead on her shoulder, as she combed her hands through his hair. Neither of them wanting to let go of each other or the moment. Dean didn’t want to let go because then he would have to face the reality of everything he felt guilty for. Y/N didn’t want to let go because she feared if she did, he’d leave again, with no certainty of when he’d be back. She wanted to remember this moment and remember them this way. Together. Always.

They took a few moments to stay the way they were, before they redressed, packed up and left for her house. The car ride was quiet, holding a peace between them that they only felt with each other. They made love in her bed, making up for lost time and hoping that it would be a long time before they would have to separate again.

However, as Y/N fell asleep in his arms, Dean stared up at the ceiling if her bedroom. He knew the reality. He knew what he had to do to keep her safe as their situation with Chuck grew more dire.

He just wished he didn’t have to.

* * *

Dean woke up before her even though he had only slept for a few hours. He watched her for a few moments, a content, small smile on her face as she slept, her breath even. He slowly got out of bed, careful not to move too harshly and jolt her awake. He stood up and put his boxers on, going in search of his phone. His jeans had fallen at the foot of the bed and he picked them up, taking out his phone from the front pocket.

He looked at the lock screen, seeing a couple of missed calls and a message from Sam.

_Didn’t want to bother you when you’re with Y/N but Cas has a lead on Chuck. Wants us to meet him in Colorado. Get back to the bunker soon, we can go over the plan._

Dean frowned. He had wished he had more time before they got something on Chuck, so that he could spend time with Y/N. He knew that was too good to be true.

“You’re up early” he heard her voice behind him.

He turned around, seeing her sitting up in bed, holding the sheet to her naked body. She rubbed her eyes and smiled at him, looking even more beautiful in the morning sun that filtered through the window.

“Yeah” he sighed, his voice betraying him, not being able to say anything else.

Dean watched as she wrapped a robe around herself and walked into the kitchen, getting the coffee started. As he dressed, he didn’t know how to begin to tell her he couldn’t stay for coffee. He couldn’t stay for a few more hours. He probably wouldn’t be back any time soon.

He may not come back at all.

Dean continued to watch her as he stood at the end of the kitchen bench, dressed and ready to leave. He didn’t know how to find the strength to tell her what he needed to. It was only going to break her heart and he didn’t know if he could live with that. However, breaking her heart was better than her being dead. Which she would be if Chuck ever found her.

“Just how you like it” she smiled as she brought over a mug of hot black coffee to him. She looked at him, not knowing what was about to happen. He wished he could keep it that way, that he didn’t have to say anything.

“I can’t stay” he said, clearing his throat of the roughness that had occurred due to his emotions. “Something’s come up. I gotta go.”

“Oh” she said, surprised and hiding her disappointment quite well. “When… when will you be back?”

Dean shook his head, wishing she hadn’t asked that. “I don’t know.”

She frowned, confused. “But… but you just got here.”

“I know, Y/N, but I have to go” he told her, slowly grasping her hand on the kitchen bench.

“Can’t someone else go?” she asked, shaking her head. Her voice was starting to shake as she tried to keep it together.

Dean smiled sadly. “I wish.”

“Why… why do I get the feeling this isn’t about a pest control job?” she asked, showing doubt in him for the first time since he met her.

“I’m sorry” he said, knowing any way he answered her question wouldn’t help her.

“You really don’t know when you’ll be back?” she asked, her voice small, not trusting it to speak any louder.

Dean felt that invisible hole within him become bigger, the guilt eating at him. “Y/N, I… I might not be coming back. At all.”

She flinched as she looked at him, pulling her hand away. “What?” She felt pieces of her heart beginning to flake off the longer she talked to him.

His jaw clenched, trying to keep himself together. “I might not be coming back to Lebanon.”

He didn’t want to do this to her but if something were to happen on this mission, he didn’t want to leave her with false hope that he would be coming back.

“So… so what does that mean?” she wondered, her eyes welling up.

He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and never leave, but he couldn’t. He had a job and responsibility. That had to come first. He couldn’t be selfish anymore. No matter how much he wanted to be.

Dean shook his head, not being able to say anything, hoping that gesture would be enough. Y/N felt a clenching in her chest, her heart no doubt breaking at the realization of what Dean meant. How, after a year of being each other’s rock, could it all be over?

Y/N felt Dean move in closer to her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She shook her head, desperately grasping his jaw in her hands and kissing him hard. It was bruising and painful as they roughly kissed, pulling and biting, but it was a sign that neither wanted to let go. Tears ran down her cheeks as she kissed him, faltering as sobs took over her body. Dean pulled away from the kiss and held her against him as she cried. He leaned his chin on her head, his heart breaking as he listened to her crying.

“I…” she gasped, not being able to breathe. “I-I t-told you not to leave” she cried, shaking her head against his chest.

“I don’t want to” he whispered, his emotions getting the better of him too, as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Then don’t” she sobbed. “Please.”

He shook his head, closing his eyes. “I can’t do that, Y/N. I’m sorry. I’m doing this to keep you safe.”

“I don’t understand” she said, looking up at him with her tear-stained face close to his.

He knew that she wouldn’t, but he had to say it all the same.

“I… I have to go” he said, cupping her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I…” she trailed off, not being able to say it. She knew it would break them both if she did.

“I know” he whispered, smiling at her through his sadness. “Me too.”

Dean leaned in, softly kissing her lips. It was passionate, loving and held everything he felt for her without saying it. He reluctantly pulled away, quickly walking away. He walked to her front door and opened it, not turning back to look at her. If he did, he’d give in and stay.

“Hey” she called out from the threshold.

Dean turned around, seeing her looking more vulnerable than he had ever seen her.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice gravelly.

“Nothing, I just…” she smiled, shaking her head. “I just wanted to take another look at you.”

Dean smirked sadly, pushing down what he was feeling in that moment as best as he could. Every fibre of his being wanted to walk up to her and take her in his arms. Stay with her and never leave… but he couldn’t. He turned around and walked to the Impala, getting in and starting up the car. From the corner of his eye, he could see Y/N still standing on her porch, watching him. He started the engine, revving loudly as he pulled away from the house, tires screeching loudly and no doubt waking up her neighbors as he backed out and accelerated forward, speeding away from the house.

Y/N watched as Dean sped away, tears falling down her face as she continued to look out at the street, even after he had disappeared. She wiped her face and steeled herself, turning and walking back into her house. She shut the door behind her, as she went onto going about her day, as normal as possible.

She knew she had to shut down and stop herself from feeling the pain. It was better that way.

* * *

As Dean drove back to the bunker, his mind reeled. Had he made the right decision? Maybe he should’ve told Y/N the truth. Would she have accepted it and him? What would it mean for her fate if she knew?

He suddenly felt overwhelmed, his hands numb around the steering wheel. He pulled off to the side of the road, not being able to continue driving. He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he leaned forward, breathing erratic as everything took over at the same time. All the sadness. All the guilt.

He slammed his hands down on the steering wheel repeatedly, kicking the door open as he got out, leaning his hands on top of the car when he stood. He hung his head, trying to take deep breaths of the fresh air of the early morning. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears roll down his face. He wiped them away roughly, but more kept coming. He clenched his fists as memories of Y/N flooded his mind, the emotional weight of everything taking over him.

As he stood on the side of the road, trying to keep calm but failing, his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was most likely Sam, calling to find out where he was.

However, he ignored it as he quietly cried, his forehead resting against the cool metal of his beloved Baby.

His memories of Y/N were all he could think about as the weight of his mistake consumed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos or a comment, I'd love to hear what you guys thought!


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